Archive | trump

Republicans Release #DemMeToo in Support Victims of Sexual Harassment by Democratic Leaders

(WARNING: SATIRE! Eh, maybe…) In the first year of the Trump Presidency there hasn’t been much in the way of compromise or even to be thankful about. But Republicans are trying to remain positive that bipartisanship is possible. And the issue of Democratic sexual harassment is something they feel …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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What Is Uranium One and Why Is It Suddenly a Big Story?

Sometimes certain words and phrases bubble up in the right-wing word cloud—Jeremiah Wright, birth certificate, Vince Foster, Kenya, Benghazi. The latest to surge to the front is “Uranium One,” the latest story on alleged Clintonian malfeasance to make headlines on both right-wing and mainstream media.Read more… Continue Reading at http://lifehacker.com

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Refusing to Set the GOP’s Bar Lower for Roy Moore, Local Union Threatens to Strike

(WARNING: SATIRE! MAYBE!) Wheeling, West Virginia The recent Republican nomination of disgraced former Alabama State Supreme Court Judge Roy Moore has sent shockwaves among political circles. Accused of sexual misconduct by, as of this writing, five women when they were teenagers and …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Two Ways to Make Trump’s Tweets a Little Less Awful 

The president’s Twitter account is unprecedented as a communications strategy, a stream-of-consciousness series of communiqués that strike fear into the heart of any American who wants to, I dunno, avoid war or keep on having a Constitution. But his Twitter rants, as bizarre and as unhinged as they frequently are…Read more… Continue Reading at http://lifehacker.com

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Therapists Tell Us How the Trump Era Has Messed With Our Mental Health

If you can’t bear to look at today’s Facebook memories of you skipping to the polls—or you’re dreading tomorrow’s memories of your and your friends’ post-election reactions—you’re not alone. We talked to five therapists about how the election and its aftermath has affected their clients’ mental health.Read more… Continue Reading at http://lifehacker.com

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Mueller Investigation Forces White House Staffers Take Meetings at Local D.C. Coffee Shops

(SATIRE WARNING: This article has been written with satirical intentions. The Daily Banter only tepidly endorses the rantings and ravings of Frederic Poag. The following should used for comedic purposes only and should only be taken with a grain of salt. Please see your physician before any …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Trump Taking Manafort Indictment “In Stride” and “Is In No Way Guilty of Anything”

After a day spent in seclusion watching news reports, binging on fast food and mass produced, cream filled, diabetes inducing snacks, President Trump stumbled, wide eyed and manic, into the Tuesday morning White House Press Briefing.Absentmindedly handing over a half eaten box of Cap’n Crunch and …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Co-Worker Who Had Kushner In Office Indictment Pool Saddened By Manafort Pick

White House sources leaked early Monday morning that White House Chief of Staff and newly christened “Blue Falcon” military veteran John Kelly was especially distraught at his loss in the White House Indictment Office Pool. Kelly reportedly debated calling in sick after the revelation of …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Everything You Need to Know About the Paul Manafort Indictment

President Trump’s campaign chairmen, Paul Manafort, was indicted Monday morning and ordered to surrender to authorities. According to the New York Times, he is charged with funneling “millions of dollars through overseas shell companies and [using] the money to buy luxury cars, real estate, antiques and expensive…Read more… Continue Reading at http://lifehacker.com

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Republicans ‘Proud Papas’ At President Trump’s Perfect Score On Hurricane Maria Relief Effort

Republican Leaders were ecstatic after President Trump gave himself a perfect score on his administration’s handling of Puerto Rico during a press conference.

When Trump was asked by reporters how he’d grade his administration’s efforts on the relief effort from Hurricane Maria Trump didn’t …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Satan Puts In Emergency Late Night Call to Trump

Infernal sources report that a phone call between the Lord of Lies, President Trump, and the fallen angel Lucifer, Ruler of Hell, took place late Thursday morning. The nature of the call was due to Lucifer’s “grave concern” over the lack of stable leadership coming from the White House.

“While …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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WATCH: Eminem rips Donald Trump in BET Hip Hop Awards freestyle cypher

Marshall Mathers is not too hot on Donald Trump. Better known as Eminem, the rapper expresses his sheer disdain for the President in a freestyle originally presented at the BET Hip Hop Awards, held on October 10.The pre-recorded cypher, titled “The Storm,” takes place in a Detroit parking garage, with Eminem surrounded by silent spectators, and delivered completely a […]

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Teddy Roosevelt Threatens to Enter the Mortal Realm In Order to ‘Thrash’ Trump Over I.Q. Test Challenge

Celestial Sources report that upon hearing the news that the 45th President of the United States Donald Trump called for an “I.Q. Test” against his own Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, the spiritual material that was the former President Teddy Roosevelt flung his flask against the wall of his …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Alternative Reality Zeta 137 President Trump Spends Weekend Geeking Out Over Science

President Donald Trump, 45th President of United States of America in alternate reality Zeta 137, spent the first vacation weekend of his Presidency at Camp David with his family. Sources report the First Family enjoyed the beginnings of fall colors, along with gluten free s’mores and hot …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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How Not to Lose Your Shirt When You’re Under Federal Investigation

In general, people take jobs to make money. But if you work for the White House, you have to be prepared for the possibility that, down the road, you might eventually need to lawyer up. And that can get…expensive. Like, half a million dollars expensive, according to Bloomberg Politics. Writer Shannon Pettypiece…Read more… Continue Reading […]

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Richard Petty Says He’ll Fire Anyone Who Protests During The National Anthem And In NASCAR He’s Not Alone

As the sports world continues to erupt over President Trump’s call for the NFL to get rid of the “son of a bitch” players who protest during the national anthem, one sport still giving Trump seemingly unequivocal support—at least among its owners—is NASCAR, where every crew member stood for the anthem Sunday before…Read more… Continue […]

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