Archive | Satire

The Deep Democracy

The fact that so many members of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team identify as Democrats obviously invalidates all recent and forthcoming confessions to various crimes as well as all objective evidence of fraud, perjury, money laundering, and collusion. This much is a settled matter. Lying …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Trump’s Official Patriotic Form Letter To Parents Of School Shooting Victims

Dear Mr. and Mrs. (parents of victim): It is with great sorrow that I acknowledge the loss of your (son/daughter), (name of victim), in the recent shooting at (name of school) in which _____ children tragically lost their lives. Though your (son/daughter) might not have known it while sitting in …Continue reading Continue Reading at […]

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Trump’s Official Patriotic Form Letter To Parents Of School Shooting Victims

Dear Mr. and Mrs. (parents of victim): It is with great sorrow that I acknowledge the loss of your (son/daughter), (name of victim), in the recent shooting at (name of school) in which _____ children tragically lost their lives. Though your (son/daughter) might not have known it while sitting in …Continue reading Continue Reading at […]

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Trump on Sodium Pentothol

Good evening. As many of you know, a couple of years ago I started a business venture that included running for President of the United States. I was in more debt than anyone except Robert Mueller probably knows. One night, a couple of Russian oligarchs at Mar-a-Lago suggested I run for president …Continue reading Continue […]

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These Are The Most Useless Possible Dashboard Gauges

Your car’s dashboard is like your car’s press conference: it’s how the car communicates with you, officially. Sure, you get rumors in the form of noises, smells, and shimmies, but those gauges sitting in front of your face represent the information the Carmaker has decided to share with you. What if that information…Read more… Continue […]

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Hey Men, Your Satire Sucks

Just today, Young Turks founder and head anchor Cenk Uygur was called out for a series of misogynistic blog posts he wrote in the early 2000s. These posts included complaints about not getting laid enough (“It seems like there is a sea of tits here, and I am drinking in tiny droplets”), rules …Continue reading Continue […]

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Republicans Sign “Just Trust Us” Bill into Law

(WARNING: SATIRE!) Early Tuesday morning Republicans Senate leaders convened a hasty vote on their new “Just Trust Us” bill. Although details of the bill are still sketchy Senate Majority leader Mitch McConnell assured the American public that “this is what’s best for everyone. Just trust us.” …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Trump Administration Accidentally Appoints Qualified Person

(WARNING: SATIRE) A minor scandal erupted in the Trump White House over the recent hiring of Marcus Greene to the post of Assistant Secretary to the Department of Transportation. Greene is an unusual choice for the Trump administration.  A man of Hispanic and African-American descent Asst. …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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The Beginner’s Guide Creators’ New Game Is About Keanu Reeves Stabbing People

“Welcome player. It’s a fucking video game. Get your stats ready,” Absolutely: A True Crime Story begins. Then it asks you to boost one of your starting character’s stats like strength, dexterity, or something called J3V. None of these stats matter: the browser game is just a random, nihilistic parody. But it’s funny,…Read more… Continue […]

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Republicans Release #DemMeToo in Support Victims of Sexual Harassment by Democratic Leaders

(WARNING: SATIRE! Eh, maybe…) In the first year of the Trump Presidency there hasn’t been much in the way of compromise or even to be thankful about. But Republicans are trying to remain positive that bipartisanship is possible. And the issue of Democratic sexual harassment is something they feel …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Roy Moore Releases Etiquette Guide for Young Women

[SATIRE WARNING: THIS IS SATIRE. SORT OF…] Controversial Alabama Republican Senate Candidate and two time former State Supreme Court Justice Roy Moore released a how to guide on “courtship and feminine etiquette”. “I felt, with the way my name has been maligned in the media, that I should do my …Continue reading Continue Reading at […]

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State Department Diplomatic Efforts In Europe Down to “Two Dudes Going on a Backpacking Trip”

(WARNING: SATIRE. PROBABLY.) Due to recent budget cuts to the State Department and Rex Tillerson’s overall management style of “Diplomacy? Yeah fuck that” the State Department was forced to center the upcoming 2018 European diplomatic efforts around Glenn and Charlie’s “Badass Bust Azz Backpacking’ …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Battle of the Sexes Heats Up In Wake of Sexual Assault Allegation Tsunami

In the wake of accusations of sexual assault brought forth against Minn. Democratic Senator Al Franken, allegations of sexual misconduct by Alabama Republican Senate Candidate Roy Moore, and sexual harassment and assault accusations against celebrities Louis C.K. and Harvey Weinstein, US women have …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Refusing to Set the GOP’s Bar Lower for Roy Moore, Local Union Threatens to Strike

(WARNING: SATIRE! MAYBE!) Wheeling, West Virginia The recent Republican nomination of disgraced former Alabama State Supreme Court Judge Roy Moore has sent shockwaves among political circles. Accused of sexual misconduct by, as of this writing, five women when they were teenagers and …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Hollywood Producers Guild Releases “Ax Before You Jax” Pamphlet On When It’s Okay to Masturbate

(WARNING: You are about to read satire!) So you wanna masturbate, preferably in the presence of a woman. We all do my friend. Who doesn’t?! But first you must determine if your particular situation is right for both you and your masturbatory muse. Sounds complicated, right? It’s not! If you follow …Continue reading Continue Reading […]

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Here Are the Big Names Scheduled to Serve in the White House This Week

It’s a shame, but the days of serving respectably in the public eye appear to have passed us. Hey, millennials — are you feeling old yet? You’re witnessing history. With so many employees either being fired, threatening to quit or outright quitting, the White House is certainly seeing some …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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Deplorables Terrified Of Impending Manocide After Big Democratic Wins

(SATIRE WARNING!) Yesterday morning they emerged ready. Millions of Americans headed to the polls to cast their votes. For most it was a day like any other, but for some, misogynists and bigots, Judgement Day had arrived in the environs of the Commonwealth of Virginia and the state of New Jersey. …Continue reading Continue Reading […]

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Mass Shooter Struggles In Search To Find Pristine Community To Devastate

(Satire Warning!) Anytown, USA On the surface John Everyman is just another quiet, but quirky neighbor. The 57 year old caucasian loves to sing in his church choir, listens to “non-offensive music” and gets excited about his Canasta and Bridge night.  While Mr. Everyman is dedicated to his …Continue reading Continue Reading at https://thedailybanter.com

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