Why Human Resources Hates You (But Not Her)

Human Resources hates you and the normal, hard-working, heterosexual guy next to you, but they love the drama queen over in the next cube. They set the stage so that no positive human interaction can occur between you and the girls in your office. Never fear—a good solution to this problem exists.

A quick example: in my branch office of GloboHomo, Inc., this year’s “ethics” training was a video. The villain was a white male project manager. He comments to a girl on his team about how she could wear shorter skirts since the weather was warming up. That was it. No grabbing his cod, no proposition of anything; in fact, nothing vulgar at all.

Next, the video showed Blondie’s decision as to whether she was aggrieved enough to complain about the project manager’s behavior. (As if a real woman would waste a chance to complain about anything!) Of course, the right answer was that she had to complain about it.

In addition, a hapless fellow who just happened to be nearby and heard the conversation had an obligation to narc the guy out for the comment as well. Blondie tells a nearby wise Latina about it, and in #MeToo fashion, she concurs that they need to go to the Big Boss, since she once felt uncomfortable about something the same guy said to her.

Mr. Big Boss is a an impeccably dressed, well-mannered, articulate black man. He relates to Blondie in a sensitive and caring manner and makes sure that she feels validated in her complaint. He sets the wheels in motion to fire Mr. Manager without even talking to him, despite the offender being a technical wizard who has a great rapport with the client, would be hard to replace, and who could hurt the firm by ...

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